You heard me! Stop trying to be happy, stop trying to be cool, stop trying to be zen, stop trying to be sarcastic. I really think we have a big problem with trying so hard to achieve being happy that we almost forget the most important part: just be.
If you have to try so hard to be in a certain way, I don’t think you’re heading in the right direction.
Just like any other emotion, happiness is not something you can obtain, or that you can buy. When you scream on top of your lungs at the guy that just cut your way at the intersection where you had priority in, you are not aware of your state of anger.
You don’t find yourself in the situation where you ask yourself:” Am I angry? Am I yelling hard enough? Do you hear me? Roar!” Nope, you’re just feeling it, you live it. You become the anger. And after a few minutes, it’s gone. Or not. It depends. But that’s another story.
Take a look at the kids around you. Are they happy? Do you really think that any of those kids wake up in the morning and ask themselves: “Am I going to be happy today”? They just are. Just as like my cat keep being as relaxed as someone can be every day. I bet that Happy (that’s one of my cats’ name, the other one is Miti) never thinks about how she can be more relaxed.
Happiness is not obtained but it can be a side effect of a particular environment, of a life experience, of a moment, of a company. And I say that with mixed feelings because I don’t like people very much.
Lately, happiness is turned into a goal “easy to achieve in 5 easy steps”. Just buy that object, you’ll be happy. Learn a new language, you’ll be happy. Go travel and you will be happy for a lifetime!
The problem is that when most of us are looking for happiness we usually seek some kind of fuel for it: a new car, porn food, great sex, more time for your fav series, a hot party, a massage, be the “it” person in your group- you get where I am going?
There are a lot of studies that show that people who focus their energy and time on material and superficial pleasures end up less happy in the long run. And they might end up anxious and emotionally unstable on the way. I should know, I was a shopaholic not a long time ago. That’s another story to tell too.
Pleasure is easy to achieve and it’s highly marketed. If you watch some commercials people are smiling when buying detergents, clothes, furniture… anything. Even for cancer pharmaceutical products, there’s someone smiling back at you. That, if you ask me is scary.
The good news is that there’s more to happiness than just pleasure.
Insane amount of positivity does not equate with happiness. I bet you know someone that is smiling all the time and are happy all the time, no matter the situation and circumstance. If you’re one of those happy all the time people, no matter what, you might need a reality check. I can slap you back to reality if you want me to. Listen. Shit does happen. A lot and often. Things go wrong and people make mistakes. And that’s all just fine. Like happiness, it is possible to feel other emotions. Denying those emotions might be translated into emotional dysfunction. Life is not made just with flowers and music and you should be aware of that. It’s not a pile of shit either. It just is. Make mistakes, assume the consequences and move on. Is the glass half empty or half full? It’s a glass!!!
You are one unique person and you are going to change the world someday. You even found a t-shirt telling you this, so it’s definitely true!
Everyone on Instagram seems happy, healthy and successful. That makes you wonder what did you do wrong and why your reality is not so perfect. Social media isn’t a true reflection of real life. Please remember that!
Get real and wake up to reality! Nobody is perfect.
OK, OK so “How can I be happy?” Is this what you came here to find out? You might be a bit disappointed because… the answer is quite straightforward if you ask me.
You have to get as close as possible to your ideal self.
Be the kind of person you would like to connect with! Tho’ that’s easier said than done.
Starting this blog and struggling on how to do it right makes me happier than buying a new bag. And I love bags. And shoes. Starting a new small business makes me happier than watching my fav series. And we both know how captivating is GOT. The interesting part about this is that the things that do make me happy involve a great engagement from myself, are harder to accomplish and I got to set the bar high with big expectations for some to work. Some involve struggle, unslept nights and so on…
I also have to get real and accept the fact that some might not happen as I want them too. I hurt my leg and I didn’t play squash for 6 months now. It sucks! I am angry because I am not getting better faster. And I accept that. It’s life!
The good part is that I am doing progress on other items. The fact that I am persevering in activities that allow me to become my ideal self makes me happy.
Scratch the positive and negative emotions, the pleasures or pains on the way, do what makes you the better version of yourself and be happy. Some people are sad and bored at weddings (raise your hand if you feel me), some are excited working, some don’t enjoy parties… you see where I am going?
We are different and that’s OK.
When you are trying to be happy you are just copycatting other people that try to be the best version or themselves. And that’s why you will never be happy in the end. We are all different and my best version might not have anything to do with yours.
Are you happy? Yes? Keep doing whatever you are doing! No? Do you want to be happy? Yes? Change something. Easy as that!
XO Stories of a Brunette